Hey, mom,

People say you can hear me, or see me...Honestly, I'm not sure you do, all I know is that today, I feel like writing you.

So, it's been a long time since you left, things have changed, a lot, but some others things stayed the same.

Since you left, It's like everyone around me acts like nothing happend. Including me. Yes, I hate myself for that.

It's like we're living our lives as if we were some kind of robot, that do things, just because we have to.

That's how I feel. I feel like I'm living my life just because I have to, not because I WANT to live it.

That doesn't mean I wanna kill myself, or anything like that...It's just that everything became so tedious, so monotonous. It freaks me out sometimes.

Well, time is passing by, so quick, too quick. I'm sixteen now. And memories seems to fade away...

I can't hear your laugh in my head anymore, I can't remember the shining of your eyes anymore, I can barely see you in those hazy dreams, so blurred, so far from reality.

And it's pretty miserable having to look at your picture, to remember you clearly.

In school, they tell us that people go to a Paradise, or some place nice when they die. Well, I can't believe in that, although I try so hard to believe it, I can't. Because that's the way you raised me. And we both know it isn't true.

So why do we have to become in those kind of people that believe those things just to make themself happier?

I don't need to believe in that to be happy. Ok, let's not talk about religion now.

I wonder what it would be like if you were here.

As for me, I am...stuck in time. Without knowing what to do, where to go. Living without making decisions, just letting the wind take me where it wants to go. It's wrong, I know. But I just can't change that. It's like I'm drugged, and I can't wake up. Have you ever dreamed that you were in danger, but for hard as you tried, you couldn't scream? That's how I feel. I'm speechless. I'm lost for words, so all I can do is to hear, and to let others speak for me.

The right thing to do, would be taking chances, be the protagonist of my own life, take control. And stop letting people tell me what to do, or where to go.

Actually, I've never been that way, before you left, I wasn't that person, at all.

But , the truth, mom, is that when you left, you took everything with you. You took me with you.

'Cause I don't even know who I am, now. Or maybe I've always been that way and I never really experience it.

I've discover places inside of me that I never even thought I had. So all of this has been a hard-lesson. A very mean one.

I'm not sure why am I umpluding this on my blog, it's feels good, though.

Ok, that's all for now.